Saturday, December 17, 2011

Being single@25 and more!

As I was trying to figure out whom DLF is shortlisting to sell its Aman Resort asset, a friend, lets call her Simi, pings me on facebook and asks, "Have you shortlisted?" I replied, "yeah but I am wondering why Louis Vuitton would like to buy it", she interrupts, "Bitch! I am talking about your short listing" and I kept thinking what I am supposed to shortlist.

Then I realised, and i replied, "Ohhhoo! that shortlisting, nah, I am not doing it mom and dad and entire clan is going to do it."

Simi said, "Oh, I have shortlisted ten, can you believe it Ten!!! mom will start calling them from next week, I am sure one can definitely be rounded up."

I replied, "Good, i really hope that you get married by the end of the year!"

Yeah! Marriage! and we were talking about shortlisting men from all the matrimony websites and news paper advertisements. With an onslaught of matrimonial websites like, ,, community wedding portal to same caste wedding portals, there are options which are bound to defy one's imagination. To add to it daily newspapers come up with an extra suppliment dedicated entirely for the purpose of match making and very smartly they publish it on sundays. so the entire sunday the entire family except for the one who is supposed to get married look at ads which scream 'wanted grooms' or 'Bride wanted' , as if its a paper of wanted criminals.

The whole day is spent looking at these haunted wanteds and finally once a consensus is reached, the prospective 'parties' are called. And if they like the 'party' they then mail their resumes to each other, and if both parties like it, then they meet either at the girl's place or the new found fancy of the urban India, a cafeteria or open resturaunt of any mall near their homes. Thats quite a long process which can at times take a week or months at large!

Also to add, some portals also offer authenticity checks done by consultants like AC Nielsen, I mean hatts off man! There are other features too, I am really not interested to decipher the portal. Do it yourself!

So finally, when the average girl and the average boy who couldnt find any partner on their own, or had gone through a series of break ups- give up and infamously put a tag of destiny on their forehead and within a week of even knowing each other's name, their facebook pages scream "In a Relationship".

Wait! its not even six months, the status will shift to being, "Married" and some 55 comments congratulating the two hapless people, who in their entire lifetime would have never imagined to be together are now apparently 'happily married'. And then bikini clad pics and skimpy shorts would be all over the internet, dancing in Macau to sunbathing at Langkawi, Kissing at Maldives to playing with snow balls in Iceland! Options are endless!

But that's still better than being a 25 year old, single bengali girl, that too a business journalist! because the above mentioned traits isn't really what qualifies one to be a good 'Gharowa" or 'homely' girl. Every time a relative comes visiting or any family function one is forced to attend, the only topic of discussion that attracts maximum attention is, "biye kabey dichho?' (When are you getting her married off?)
Infact a few months back, I went to my father's best friends' daughter's birthday party and the caterer uncle was a common friend, and he screamed across the first floor to my father, " Dada, I will take the catering order for your daughter's marriage"

To my horror, I could see atleast one hundred eye sockets staring at me, the uncle further continued ,"But beta, he should not be a Muslim or very rich, then I would not take the order."
My mother quipped, "Cheley holiye holo!" which meant, "Its enough if there is a guy"
And everyone on the floor sighed, there is no boy!

But then, Indian families are very different from their western counterpart, there are relatives who seldom think its their job to save me from my present destitute state. So a cousin of mine went ahead and told a Forty year old uncle, that there is a girl would you like to get married?
Another cousin, how could she be left behined, she wanted me to meet a guy who is least interested in getting married! So finally, my mom looks around the paper as she cant browse internet and calls people. Once someonse asked her, what is your daughter's weight? I asked her to reply she is a 'Phulkopi' which means cauliflower :P

As every sunday is spent dealing with marriage and its anciliary topics, I have found my perfect way out of it. Call cousins over for picnic, taking them out for movies or join a gmat class.. trust me its quite a better option than your parents asking you at the end of the day, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" Trust me they will get you your favorite car to your dream travel trip, if only you said, You have the 'Guy'!
Once my mentor ended up asking me, "Are you lesbian?How can you stay wihtout a guy for two years? I mean not even a fling..I mean being a leabsian is okay there is nothing to be ashamed off"

Hahahaha...everytime I think about it i can't stop laughing at what he said that day!No I am not laughing at the concept of being gay, but I am not> M quite straight and have had boy friends who have iterated everytime I dated them, that Men are not worth the chick-chick that they bring along!

So here it is, accept it, a girl dosent need a guy just for the heck of it! Money can buy diamonds, clothes, cards, dinners, everything but not what the women is exactly look for! It includes lot of caring, sharing and not a pint of lying, the option of being worried for the other person and spending sleepless nights, going on a long drive at 3 am, or just cooking dinner for the other...theres a lot more to finding a guy than just meeting in a mall and popping the beautiful question you can only dare to ask, "so what's your hobby? Do you like gardening, cooking?" Hell No! theres no land for gardening any more in Bombay so Shut the Fuck Up! and yes ofcourse i will work 14 hours a day and cook !that is all is left to my existence!

Until then, its being happily single mode :)

whats the weirdest you have come across? teme, its fun to hear these stories....


Sanket Kambli said...

and absolutely crazy post..

its real.. but you have added humor to it very well..

well, in my case too, the find-a-bride train is just starting to gather steam, but has not yet left the station..

its still at what kind of girl you want to marry.. and mostly I am speechless.. so blurt the same.. educated, etc etc..

lunch room chat, school/college friend chat, everywhere the same questions...

"iska band kab bajega?"

either they are in anticipation for me to find marital bliss.. or want to see me enter the post marital hell...

heck.. they even say.. dont sport a beard.. its a turn off.. for some..

come one..its not a bush...its styled..

anyway i think its just the beginning..

do keep us updated !!

Stuti said...

loved it... the best lines were, "accept it, a girl dosent need a guy just for the heck of it!"
"..the women is exactly look for! It includes lot of caring, sharing and not a pint of lying, the option of being worried for the other person and spending sleepless nights, going on a long drive at 3 am, or just cooking dinner for the other...theres a lot more to finding a guy than just meeting in a mall"